There’s an internal conflict that takes place the moment we set big goals for ourselves and strive to do something we've never done before, whether it's for our relationships, career, or health.
Consciously you’ve decided you’re going to create this incredible business, nonprofit, podcast, YouTube channel, or think tank. You're going to create a legendary music festival or open a beautiful brick-and-mortar venue and start sharing your art with other people. You're going to find the man or woman of your dreams, fall in love, and get into a wonderful relationship. You're going to start working out 5 days a week and get into the best shape of your life.
But unconsciously you’ve decided money is hard to make, or that you don’t have the talents necessary, or that other people do it better than you, or that people don’t like you, or the people you know will judge you, and so on and so forth.
Think about any goal that challenges you, that stretches you, that makes you feel uncomfortable, and you are bound to run into these fears, roadblocks, doubts, and limiting beliefs. You will feel resistance and you will start to make excuses and tell a story for why you don't actually want to do that new thing.
It's too hard.
I can't do it.
People won't get it.
It's too risky.
I'm not ready.
I don't have enough money.
It'll take too long.
It's not good enough.
This story reinforces your current beliefs, and you procrastinate. It takes longer to achieve your goals.
You hop on social media and see that other people are building these incredible lives, are in happy, committed relationships and are launching their careers and their businesses to new heights and becoming financially independent, while you are stuck in the same place.
Something that one of my former coaches David Bayer, mentored by Tony Robbins, teaches is that beliefs are decisions. Indecision is still a decision. It's a decision not to act, not to step in the direction of your dreams. And that indecision by itself creates suffering, because you think, if only I had done this, done that, things would be different.
If I didn't waste so much time I'd be further along...
If only I had listened to my gut...
If only I didn't care so much what other people think...
If only I could go back in time and change what I said to that person, things would be different...
If only I had followed my heart...
And so on, and so forth...
Where does indecision stems from?
Self-doubt.
These patterns are deep-rooted, forming by the age of 7.
Self-doubt is the reason people ignore their intuition, stuff their creative inclinations into a box, let their ideas collect dust rather than letting them see the sunlight, struggle to connect to people, and find themselves unsatsified, trying to break through the next ceiling in their health, love life, and career.
Work or play, doing something you've never done before is monumental. The brain, craving predictability, searches its storehouse of prior evidence that this new venture will succeed. When it finds none, it repeats its self-protection response developed from a young age. Old, familiar sensations and emotions start to surface. You tell a story as to why you don't actually want to do that thing. Then you'll put it off, or worse, fail to fulfill it.
I was there not too long ago. What I've learned after each setback that sparked self-doubt, anxiety, resistance, rumination, and perfectionism, and feeling powerless and stuck, is first of all…
You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. You're only human. Nor are you trudging through the mud in solitude; other people will relate to what you've been through.
Your intuition, emotions, and creativity deserve expression. You deserve to take up space and be seen and witnessed and known and heard. You need to trust your vision long enough to see it through.
Quelling your gifts does this world a disservice; it deprives it from receiving your light, wisdom, perspective, and healing presence. Why else are we here? You know you have something different to bring to the table that can lift society, improve the quality of life, and give life meaning... yet something is holding you back. What is it?
Plenty of people have huge dreams but instead dissipate their power, settle, and live a life short of the one they're capable of living. It's a collective tragedy of never enoughness. Instead of taking care to cultivate their minds, they get lost in the noise, starting to live life on autopilot, going wherever the wind blows.
Instead of starting their day with gratitude, meditation, visualization, and journaling, they instinctively reach for their phone and start scrolling. In this way, they train their minds that others' needs come before their own, and it becomes harder and harder to break free of the grasp of the screen.
Does this sound like you? It's okay if it does. I know that feeling all too well...
What would happen if you believed in yourself? If you played "the believing game"?
The most successful people in the world keep their sights set on their true north. They remember who they are, where they came from, and how far they've come. They maintain their spiritual practice and their connection to a higher source of inspiration, wisdom, and power. As a result, they are able to draw massive strength, energy, and confidence within themselves by cultivating elevated emotions, including gratitude, love, peace, and oneness with the universe.
Now, this is really great and all, but the real question is, how do you actually change your thinking, transform your life, and align with your highest expression? Modern neuroscience and psychology have revealed some actionable steps for creating neurological and emotional wellness and overcoming imposter syndrome, self-doubt, chronic stress, and perfectionism. We will reveal these secrets in future posts.
Remember, weaknesses are simply overdone strengths.
When it comes to creating, do what feels good. But don't let your perfectionism or eagerness for approval keep you from stepping onto the court, picking up the paintbrush, lacing up those dancing shoes, publishing that post. Set yourself free. Be willing to practice and iterate. The point of the game is to keep playing. It was never about the accolades in the first place. Remember why you just can't stop yourself from picking up that brush.
Yes, it's going to be vulnerable. It's going to feel exposing. But that's part of the point of being known beneath your hard shell. You're gonna mess up sometimes, but that's the price of being human. The good news is, you're lovable anyway. Only you can decide when it's time to get out there and plant some of your beauty in the world.